The Rules of Love

Check out the new edition of The Rules of Love (9781447929505, available now and updated with seven brand new Rules to help you find even greater success in your relationships.

Love matters. Whether it’s the romantic kind or the emotional bond between you and family or friends. Indeed latest research suggests that those who love and are loved are significantly more likely to be alive in 10 years time than those without love in their lives. Love makes us happy, and the happier we are, the longer it seems we tend to live.

But it isn’t always easy to love and be loved. Love is also complicated. Relationships are invariably complex and they need to be attended to, nurtured, worked at, and invested in. It’s all too easy to neglect relationships – often without realising it – and this benign neglect leaves you one day wondering why this special relationship has crumbled, unravelled, waned or lost its sparkle. Forming good relationships isn’t easy either. Same sex relationships can be tricky enough (mothers and daughters, brothers and brothers) but when it’s the opposite sex – especially boyfriend/girlfriend) you have the added complication that the other person is wired completely differently and may see things in completely different ways.

If you study people who are so good at relationships you discover it’s not about their personality or gender or how self sacrificing they are. Those who are great in all relationships usually do have to work at it – the secret is that they know exactly where to put their efforts. They know The Rules of Love. In this book these Rules are revealed, so you too can benefit from the simple principles of forming and sustaining strong, enduring and ultimately, life enhancing relationships.

Introduction

Rules for Finding Love

1. Be yourself

2. Get over it before you get on with it

3. You won’t be happy with a partner until you can be happy on your own

4. You’ll know them when you meet them

5. Choose someone who makes you laugh

6. Being less than a hundred percent attractive is a great filter

7. Don’t keep making the same mistakes

8. Certain people are off limits (you know who they are)

9. You can’t change people

10. Relationships aren’t about sex

11. Get to know someone through all the seasons before making any major decisions

12. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t care

13. If you can’t trust them, you haven’t got a relationship

14. Be honest (while you still have the chance)

15. Don’t play games

16. Don’t tar new partners with old brushes

17. Check you both have the same shared goals

18. You can’t make someone love you

19. Be cruel to be kind

Relationship Rules

20. Be nice

21. Be together because you want to, not because you need to

22. Allow your partner the space to be themselves

23. Look to your own faults

24. Be honourable

25. Put each other first

26. Recognize the signs

27. Be a hero – or a heroine

28. Accept the differences, embrace what you have in common

29. Don’t belittle your partner

30. You want to do what?

31. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath

32. Be the first to say sorry

33. Houston, we have a problem

34. Don’t put them on a pedestal and expect them to stay there

35. Know when to listen and when to act

36. Never stop trying to be attractive

37. If you can say something nice, do

38. Don’t try to be their parent

39. Be part of their life

40. If little things annoy you, say so – with humour

41. Go that extra step in trying to please them

42. Make sure your partner is always pleased to see you

43. Don’t dump responsibility on your partner

44. Let them know if you don’t like their friends

45. Jealousy is your stuff, not theirs

46. Your partner is more important than your kids

47. Make time for romance

48. Have a passion for your life together

49. Share the workload

50. Trust the other one to do the job

51. Don’t be a nag

52. Make sure your love making is making love

53. Don’t control them

54. Listen to what they’re not saying

55. Most everyday arguments are about something else

56. Respect privacy

57. Treat your partner better than your best friend

58. Don’t be offended if they want some space

59. Men like flowers too

60. Keep your finances separate

61. Contentment is a high aim

62. Be generous to each other financially

63. You make a choice every day

64. Don’t be a martyr

65. You don’t both have to have the same rules

66. Put yourself in their shoes

67. In-laws are part of the package

68. Keep talking

Rules for Parting

69. Listen to your own internal voice

70. Recognize that it takes two

71. Keep the moral high ground

72. Don’t keep raking it over

73. Leave the kids out of it

Family Rules

74. Don’t blame your parents

75. Don’t let your parents control your feelings

76. Your children come before you

77. Nothing is worth falling out over

78. Treat them the way you believe is right, no matter how they treat you

79. Don’t pressurize your family just because you can

80. Never be too busy for loved ones

81. Your children need to fall out with you to leave home

82. They don’t have to be the same as you

83. There’s always stuff with siblings

84. Let go of your role

Friendship Rules

85. There are no rules

86. Your best friend was once a stranger

87. Only have people in your life who, on balance, make it better not worse

88. If you’re going to be a friend, be a good friend

89. Never give advice

90. Find friends who love the truth

91. Never lend money unless you’re prepared to write it off

92. If you don’t like their partner, tough

93. When one finger points forwards, three point back

94. Friendships change

95. Know when to let go

96. Bitterness helps no one

Rules for Everyone

97. Guilt is a selfish emotion

98. Love equals time

99. The more you put out, the more you get back

100. Other people are where it’s at

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